


The Right Choice

by Freckles04



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Virmire, Wilenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:26:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/811056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freckles04/pseuds/Freckles04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted on Tumblr. Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams make a hell of a team, complementing each other perfectly. While Commander Shepard embraces eternity with Liara, they find comfort in each other just before confronting Saren on Virmire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Choice

## Eden Prime

Geth. Geth everywhere. Kaidan could hardly believe what they’d walked into, the level of destruction, the magnitude of it all. The death. No matter where he turned, there were bodies—civilians who’d just been trying to make a better life for themselves, or soldiers who’d died trying to defend them.

Or empty husks, killed by his gun or his biotics.

_Don’t think about that._

He inhaled slowly, then let it out just as slowly, allowing some of the tension to seep out of his muscles on the relative safety of the train platform. For a few minutes, nothing was shooting at them. He could breathe. He could think.

_Shit, I don’t want to think._

His eyes flicked to Shepard, the tension in the man’s body obvious even under the layer of armor. Nothing in his stance welcomed interaction. The Commander was focused, utterly focused, his omnitool glowing orange as he surveyed the latest information they’d picked up.

Kaidan glanced at Gunnery Chief Williams. Tension kept her coiled too, as tight as a spring; something about the way she held her rifle, though, gave off the aura that it wasn’t necessarily the same sort of focus that held the Commander so rigid.

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

Her eyes narrowed, her head turning just slightly toward him as she answered. “No.”

Kaidan opened his mouth, then closed it, shaking his head. “Yeah. Stupid question.”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

* * *

## Citadel

Kaidan’s “I’m buying a round at Flux to celebrate” turned into three rounds. Then five. Then…shit, he’d lost count. Shepard deserved it, though, this little celebration between the three of them. Hell, they all deserved a few hours of shore leave, after Eden Prime and dealing with the Council, getting the proof against Saren, and dealing with the Council again. Kaidan wasn’t quite sure how Shepard had managed without even raising his voice.

But he had. And that sort of control… _damn_. He’d like to see it break. In private.

“So, LT.” Ash leaned in, a crooked smile on her lips, her words less than precise. She didn’t have the metabolism of a biotic, but she was doing her damnedest to keep up with him. And succeeding, for the most part. “You got a thing for the Commander?”

Kaidan sputtered, straightening, only then realizing that he’d slouched as he watched Shepard, uh, _dance_ out on the floor. God, what had he looked like? Some lovesick teen?

“N-no.” Then, meeting Ash’s knowing gaze, he said more firmly, “No. I just admire him.”

“Uh huh.”

“He’s really something.”

“Uh huh.”

“He’s just…a good guy, you know?”

Ash arched a brow.

_Shit_. “Was I drooling?”

She chuckled. “Maybe a little.” Reaching over, she slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, LT. I’m not gonna say anything.”

“Good.” He blew out a breath. “Because there’s nothing really to say. The mission comes first with him. He’s made that damned clear.”

“Yeah.” Ash’s eyes followed his, and she groaned at Shepard’s latest dance move, some hip-wiggle, hand-clap thing.

“A few hours drinking and dancing isn’t the same as a full on affair,” Kaidan continued, feeling like he had to justify this little bit of downtime.

“No, you’re right. Absolutely. No time for an affair.” Her grin took on a wicked slant. “He’d be a good quick fuck, though.”

Kaidan just barely managed to swallow his mouthful of beer, preventing it from snorting out of his nose; a close thing. “Ash!”

“You’re thinking the same damned thing, LT, don’t deny it.” Her grin widening, she lifted her glass. “To Shepard. The first human Spectre.”

Kaidan chuckled, then tapped his glass to hers. “To Shepard,” he said.

* * *

## Therum

“C’mon, LT. You know this is a bad idea.” Ashley slammed the door to her locker shut, then leaned against it, her gaze directed at the floor of the cargo bay. “You saw how he looked at her. The damsel-in-distress routine—”

“Ash, give him more credit than that.”

The chief narrowed her eyes, an expression Kaidan was beginning to both dread and like, strangely enough. Nothing cowed her, nothing prevented her from speaking her mind. She felt, strongly, and she wasn’t afraid to let it show.

Kaidan blew out a breath. “He’s not going to endanger the mission. This is _Shepard_.”

Ash shook her head, then opened up her locker, staring at its contents blankly, before slamming it again. “You’ve got eyes, Alenko. Don’t tell me you didn’t see what I saw.”

A flash of… _something_ when Shepard had been talking with their newest crew member, Dr. T’Soni? Yeah…he knew what Ash was talking about. But still… “You’re making it out to be more than it is.”

“Like hell I am,” she snarled. Striding over to where he leaned, butt-first, against her work bench, she moved in close. “These are _aliens_ who have the run of the ship, LT. You think they won’t screw us over if they get a chance? If it’s between us or them?”

“Ash—”

“Hell, we were at war with the turians twenty-six years ago. That’s like, how long it takes for an asari to blink.” Her eyes flicked over to where Garrus stood, his back to them, as he calibrated the boosters on the Mako.

“Stop it.” Kaidan glanced over at Garrus, too, then Wrex. If either of the aliens had heard their low conversation, they didn’t give any signs. “The turians helped build this ship. And I trust Shepard, Ash. He’s not going to bring people on board that are liabilities.”

“What do you call Liara?”

Kaidan blinked. “A helpful addition?”

“Whose mother is Saren’s second-in-command. That doesn’t seem like a bad idea to you?” She grabbed a rag from her workbench, her arm brushing against his, her scent suddenly wafting around them.

Soap, gun oil, sweat. And something else, something…fruity? _Strawberries_. God, she smelled like strawberries. Sweet, a little tangy, the aroma rose up and around the others, not competing with them, but just…fitting. Somehow, it was perfectly Ash.

She moved back, the rag pulled tight between her two hands—an expression of frustration that he understood, even if he himself didn’t feel the urge to abuse inanimate objects out of temper. He drew in a non-scented breath, and shook his head.

“Look, if you’ve got concerns, talk with Shepard,” Kaidan suggested. “He wants to know.”

“Yeah.” Her lips twisted and she jerked the rag between her fists again, before tossing it on the workbench. “Yeah, maybe I will.”

Kaidan straightened, giving her a nod, and started to move toward the elevator. Ash stopped him with a gentle touch on his arm.

“Hey, LT.” She looked up at him, her brow furrowed, concern replacing the temper in her eyes from a moment before. “You okay? You know, with…”

She nodded at the elevator, one brow arching, and Kaidan knew exactly what she meant. That flash of something; the flash that wasn’t directed at him. “Yeah,” he said, offering a small smile. “You?”

“A-okay,” Ash confirmed, returning his smile. “We’re here for the mission, right?”

“Right.” Kaidan nodded.

“Right.” Her smile strengthened. “See ya, LT.”

* * *

## Feros

The crate of supplies rose into the air, its surface limned in blue, then shot toward the cargo bay doors. The quartermaster had let out a strangled cry the first time Kaidan had done the exercise; by the twentieth repetition, however, the corporal had realized Kaidan wasn’t going to destroy the crate or anything inside of it and had relaxed.

Kaidan knew he was begging for a migraine—this exercise was hardly needed, with the amount he’d used his biotics on Feros—but he didn’t care. At least the physical pain would match that inside of him. He knew how to deal with headaches. Dealing with this gut-wrenching ache in his chest was something else entirely.

”Hey. LT.”

He glanced over at the soft greeting, then turned his attention back to the crate. “Chief.”

“You okay?”

He threw his hand forward with a grunt and the crate matched the mnemonic, hurtling through the air once more. He halted its progress before it reached the cargo bay doors. His eyes narrowed with the effort.

“No,” he managed. Sighing, he returned the crate to the floor for the moment, then rolled his head back and forth, trying vainly to assuage the tension in his shoulders.

“Want to talk about it?”

Kaidan shot her a look, one hand lifting to rub at a particularly stubborn kink in his shoulder. “No.”

“Too bad. C’mere.” She arched a brow as he remained still. “C’mere, sit down. I can’t stand seeing you try to get the knots out on your own.”

Blowing out a breath and deciding that marching back up to the crew deck would just result in more trouble than it was worth, Kaidan sat down on the stool in front of Ashley’s workbench. Casting his gaze around the cargo bay, he realized that it was empty, except for the two of them.

“Some meeting no one told me about?” he asked.

“Nope.” Her thumbs dug into his shoulders, though his BDUs, and he groaned. Yeah, much better than his own pathetic attempts, he’d give her that. “They bugged out in order to give you some alone time. And in case you decided to tear the place up.”

“What the—” Kaidan’s head rose and he cast a glance over his shoulder at Ash. “I would never.”

“That’s what I said, but, you know, L2 biotic. Powerful as hell. It’s a little scary. Damn, LT, you’ve got a knot the size of the Citadel here.”

A grunt left Kaidan as she pressed down, hard, trying to get it to loosen. It hurt, but felt good at the same time.

“So,” she said, easing up a little. “Talk.”

He blew out a breath. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. That you’re pissed?”

“Fucking right, I’m pissed.” His biotics flared, enough to jolt through the fabric of his shirt into Ash’s hands. The rhythm of the massage faltered, but she didn’t move her hands away. “We killed civilians today, Ash.”

She paused, the motions of her fingers stopping. “We didn’t have a choice. Us or them, Kaidan. Them or the mission.”

“That’s not a choice we should make.”

“We had to.” She sighed. “Look, maybe if Shepard’s grenade launcher didn’t get shot up…”

“We could have knocked them out or wounded them or—”

“Kaidan. Stop.” She shifted around to stand in front of him, then crouched so she could look him in the eyes. “They were going to kill us. C’mon.”

“It’s not _right_.” He met her eyes, hardly knowing what she’d see in his. Pain, anger? He shook his head. “We’re out here to protect people, Ash. They were victims, they needed our help. Not bullets between the eyes.”

Something in her expression changed. It was subtle; not quite a flash, but a flicker. Her hand rose to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing across the ridge of his cheekbone. A touch that should have been simple, but wasn’t. Time seemed to expand, lengthen, slow down, seconds ticking by between each pulse beat that pounded in his ears. His breath hitched, and the soft motion, the soft sound, broke the spell.

Ash’s hand returned to her side, and she straightened, taking a step back. “You’re a good man, LT. But this is war, you know that.”

Kaidan cleared his throat, his gaze sliding sideways, away from where she faced the workbench, leaning over it, not looking at him. “Yeah,” he said, his voice low and rumbling. “I know it’s war, I just…I don’t want to cut corners, you know? I want to do better.”

She blew out a breath, her shoulders drooping. “Yeah. We all do, LT. We all do.”

* * *

## Luna

“Of all the stupid…” Ash lifted a hand, as if to punch him in the shoulder—the one that hadn’t taken a bullet, but the contact would have hurt like hell anyway—then cupped it along the jaw of Kaidan’s helmet instead. “I’m the one with the heavy armor, Alenko. What the hell were you thinking?”

Kaidan shrugged, then hissed as the movement sent pain spiralling through his arm. “I didn’t want you to get hurt. Look, you were already dealing with two of the turrets. I figured my overload would take out the third, but its shields were too—ow, shit.”

“Wimp.” Ash continued applying the medigel, but her touch softened. “Nice thought, LT, but you’re supposed to be watching Shepard’s back, not mine.”

Shepard who, at this moment, was re-enacting Neil Armstrong’s first steps on the moon, by Ash’s earlier report. As they waited for the Normandy to pick up the Mako, there wasn’t much else to do. Except maybe hover as Ash exercised her field medic skills. And that wouldn’t have helped anyone.

“I’d much rather watch yours,” Kaidan said, his voice low.

Ash’s hands paused, but she didn’t look at him. She knew it, though; she had to know. There had been looks going back and forth since that moment in the cargo bay. Looks that made his pulse pound and his blood rush. Looks they’d tried to pretend hadn’t happened. But he’d seen the rosy cheeks. He knew she felt something.

He did. Attraction? Hell, yes. He could focus past it, and he had, for days now. But he didn’t want to, not anymore. 

“We need to deal with this,” she said, finally, looking up.

Kaidan’s breath caught. “Yeah.”

“Get the physical out of the way.”

“Agreed.”

“The mission comes first.”

“Always.” Kaidan nodded, his eyes on hers. “And we’re still friends, after.”

“Absolutely.” Ash nodded, her lips parting just enough that he could see a flash of white teeth. Her tongue flicked out to wet them. “Next shore leave.”

“Next shore leave,” Kaidan repeated, his eyes on her mouth. Her lips.

“We get this out of our systems.”

He nodded, the pain in his arm forgotten as another part of his body, hidden under armor, begged for attention. “Right,” he said. “It might take a few rounds.”

Ash swallowed, the motion obvious even with her helmet on. “I’m good with that. Real good. Kaidan, I—”

“Normandy in-bound for pickup. ETA five minutes.”

Shepard’s response crackled over the comm, and Kaidan knew he’d be returning at any moment.

He lifted his good hand to brush gloved fingers across Ash’s lips. They couldn’t kiss with helmets on, but he wanted to. God, he wanted to.

“Next shore leave.”

She nodded, the movement jerky, and cleared her throat.

_Oh, god, yes. Next shore leave._

* * *

## Noveria

Twenty-four hours. Twenty-four hours to rest, refuel, and restock before the Normandy moved on to their next assignment: Virmire. Twenty-four hours in a hotel suite that had cost him two weeks’ pay. He’d would’ve invested a month’s worth if he’d had to, though.

The door slammed behind them. Helmets flew off, landing with muffled thuds on the thick carpet. The only light was the muted grey that filtered through the storm outside; enough to see by, and that was all they needed. Kaidan had no desire to explore the details of the suite, the artwork on the wall, or the quality of the furnishings. All his desire was wrapped up in the woman pressing him against the door.

More pieces of armor fell away, between hot, rushed kisses. God, he wanted his hands on her, flowing over her skin, finding the places that would make her pulse skip. He wanted to kiss her senseless, their tongues and teeth clashing. He wanted her under him, over him, beside him…

Ash had different plans.

Before he could protest, she slid out of his arms, downward. Their armor lay strewn around them in a semicircle. Various words flitted through his mind—about taking it slow, how he wanted to go down on her first, how he was so goddamned ready he needed to take a moment to calm down. None of them made it past his lips, though, stolen by the excitement rippling through him.

The slight chill of the room did nothing to dampen his enthusiasm. Ash hummed in appreciation a second before her mouth enveloped his rigid length, her tongue tracing patterns amongst the warmth. Kaidan’s back arched, his head smacking the door, a long, loud groan emanating from deep within his gut. It felt so good, so damned good.

She sucked. She licked. He couldn’t stop the noises that escaped, and didn’t want to. Being silent during sex had never really appealed to him. She paused when his motions grew erratic, when his moans grew more urgent, and looked up at him, mischief dancing in her dark eyes.

“Listening to you is almost enough to get me off,” she said. “God, LT, your voice…”

With another groan, he reached down and pulled her up, flipping their positions so she was against the door instead. He bent in, kissing her hard, his teeth scoring her lips. The control he normally displayed was gone, worn away by need and lust. A hand dipped between her legs and she gasped, one foot rising to rub against the back of his thigh.

“So wet,” Kaidan murmured in her ear. He shifted his hand, sinking two fingers inside her as his thumb found her already stiff clit. She cried out, a soft, needy sound, and Kaidan shuddered against her. “I need to be inside you, Ash. I need…”

“Do it.” She emphasized her order by lifting her leg higher, to wrap around his hip. “Fuck me, Kaidan, god, yes…”

Moving his hand from her wet core to the base of his length, the other braced against the door, he positioned himself and thrust forward. A strangled shout left him as her heat, her softness, surrounded him. It had been so long, too long; too many months of work, and not enough time for play. Her legs encircled his waist as she whimpered, arching her back to encourage him to move; one of her hands scrambled to find a purchase on _something_ as he withdrew and thrust forward, finally settling on his shoulder. Her short nails bit into his skin and he hissed in pleasure, in pain. His hand dug into her waist, holding her where he wanted her, as he thrust again, and again.

God, he _pulsed_. Every nerve ending. Every bit of skin. It was like his body had stored up every look across the cargo bay, every mention of his name falling from her lips, every moment of fantasy he’d forced himself to forget, and saved all of the feelings, all of the energy, for right now. For this moment.

Brilliant, blinding, _perfect_.

He didn’t come with a shout, or a cry, or even a grunt. The force of his release stole his breath, leaving his mouth open, soundless, his entire body taut with tension that rushed away in the next moment. His biotics flared, tingling across his skin and hers. Ash made up for his silence with a scream that made him very glad they hadn’t decided to steal a moment behind the supplies in the cargo bay.

His forehead fell forward, resting against her shoulder. His heart thudded against his breastbone, so loud, so forceful, she probably heard it. Felt it.

“Jesus,” he breathed, his tone reverent.

“Y-yeah.” Lips found his temple; her hands absently threaded through his coarse, wavy hair. “Does that…the biotics, do they do that every time?”

Kaidan lifted his head to look at her, and this time, the mischief was in his eyes. “You wanna find out?”

A smile bloomed, then widened. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

* * *

## Virmire

The empty chair mocked him.

Long after the others had vacated the comm room, after Shepard had filed his report with the Council, Kaidan returned to stare at it. It might mock him, but so did her workbench—and at least here, he could be assured of some privacy. He didn’t have Garrus’s mandibles flaring as he tried to think of something to say, or Wrex’s empty assurances that Ash’s death was a good death. A warrior’s end.

_"You know it’s the right choice, LT.”_

Kaidan squeezed his eyes shut, hearing her voice so perfectly in his head. The voice that had called out his name, screamed it in passion, forty-eight hours before. Now gone. Silenced forever.

_“I don’t regret a thing.”_

“I do,” he whispered. “Ash…”

His head and shoulders drooped forward, his throat tight with emotions he’d never be able to shed properly. He hadn’t loved her. He knew that. He’d felt love before, how it enveloped and embraced, and that wasn’t what he’d felt for Ash. They’d been friends, colleagues, buddies. He’d trusted her. He’d known she’d have his back, through anything.

He didn’t regret their shore leave together. God, not a moment of it. He’d never forget how radiant she’d looked, leaning over him, her hair waving over her shoulders and framing her face. He’d never forget the mischief in her eyes, the laughter in her voice as he’d rolled her across the bed, finding places to tickle.

He’d never forget _her_.

No, he hadn’t loved her. But…he might have. And not knowing, that’s what he regretted.

The comm crackled to life. “Alenko, Shepard wanted me to let you know we’re headed back to the Citadel,” Joker said.

“Yeah.” Kaidan straightened. “I’ll be ready.”

“Hey, man. You okay?” For once, there was real concern in the pilot’s voice.

Kaidan let his eyes linger on Ash’s empty chair. “No,” he said.


End file.
